You are viewing the most recent 25 entries.
9th September 2006
30th August 2006
Ten days to go, and I'll be getting married. :
Wow. Just wow. What a year it's been. I can't wait. By the end of the honeymoon, I will have spent more time in one consecutive stretch with my husband than I have ever spent. Long distance relationships stink. I am so glad to be almost done with them.
In my last week of work here. I have got to find a job in Iowa. It's just tricky, I've never really job hunted before and I have no connections there so finding one might be tough. Oh well. I have a supportive husband-to-be, a lovely little house, and two cats waiting for me. What more could I really ask for?
13th August 2006
Four weeks until I am married, and I'm getting so tired of waiting. It's been less than a week since I've been with Dan and less than a week until I see him again but... ugh, long distance is no way to have a relationship. Not to mention that my mother and sisters are driving me crazy, the boys are more obnoxious daily, and life in general is just minorly annoying all the time. I have been 'home' for three months and am thoroughly tired of it. No adult woman should have to try living in her parents' home again after being really independent. It's just too hard. :
Still, life's not that bad. I just want to get on with the next thing already and stop having to worry about pointless things like flower arrangements, catering totals, and trying to behave myself around my family.
19th July 2006
Busy busy busy
52 days until I get married. It can't come soon enough. I am going nuts between finding caterers and flowers, and then things like sending out invitations to umpty-dozen people, and working 40+ hours a week. At least that's interesting stuff. It keeps me distracted most of the time.
Of course it's been 22 days since I've seen Dan and 22 more to go. That's stressful. And I'm sharing a room with one sister and a bathroom with four brothers and I have to go outside and get bitten by mosquitos to talk to my fiance in any kind of privacy. But that's ok. Seven weeks to go and then I only have to share a whole house with one person. And he won't steal my socks :-)
I just miss my friends so much. I only have one friend here and she is busier than I am, I've seen her once since I've been home. I get a little tired of no social life. Oh well. Life's good, it really is. I just wish it were September.
28th April 2006
You know you've been in grad school too long...
Situation: decompressing after the World's Worst Final with two classmates and another friend. Walking from the department to the student center, across the parking lot. N. gets momentarily seperated and has to rejoin the group which prompts a joke about how she's an "outlier" and our algorithm needs to be modified to include her in the cluster, which is relevant to the test we all just flunked. It then quickly shifts to using the algorithms we've been studying as a metaphor for our love lives. :
Me: That's the problem with your dates, John - you keep sampling the outliers, no wonder you can't find a sane girl.
John: Better that that your little K-Means sampling of one.
Crystal: Yeah, you took one data point and based your whole cluster on that.
Me: But he's got the perfect feature set! (long pause and John tries to stifle a laugh) Anyway Crystal did a K-nearest neighbors and look what she ended up with (this is an incredibly geeky reference to her three past boyfriends, one of whom is now her husband)
Another long pause
Me: Where did this conversation go wrong, anyway?
Only another two weeks here.
23rd April 2006
Three weeks left in the semester. In that time: two tests, two assignments, a class project, a presentation, a paper, a long-delayed doctor exam, packing my entire apartment, my birthday, finalizing stuff at work, saying see ya! to my friends here... then I get to drive all the way to Pittsburgh, with a brief stop-off in Cedar Rapids to unload all my stuff and incidentally spend a day with my darling fiance, who I have not seen since mid-March. Which situation is intolerable at this point and he's assured me we will see each other at least once a month all summer. Not that that's enough, of course, but I suppose September will come soon enough. :
I *still* think we should just have gone to Vegas over spring break and gotten Elvis to marry us.
22nd March 2006
The one evening I could really use a metaphorical shoulder to cry on and my fiance is out of reach. Doesn't that figure. :
Until I met my Dan, the only man in my life was my father. He was my main role model growing up, he made my childhood safe and comfortable. I studied the field he works in, I read the same books. We have the same views on a lot of things. And when I look at the qualities I love in Dan, they were all the ones I value in my father.
He and my mom are also really young, neither of them is 45 yet, so I expected years and years before I'd have to deal with anything affecting their health. But now the doctors think Dad has early-onset Parkinson's and I feel so lost. There's nothing I can do, obviously, and I feel so helpless. Even if it's years before he has major symptoms, even if it doesn't affect his life expectancy... it feels like someone pulled a chair out from under me.
Current Mood: worried
14th March 2006
Parting is such sweet... utter nonsense; and attack of the parenthetical observations of DOOM!
I love Shakespeare but that particular line has always annoyed me. Heck, that whole play annoys me. Romeo and Juliet (the couple, not the play; I think the play supports my point of view) exemplify the sort of teenage angsty attitude about love and life that I most despise. I don't believe in love at first sight (lust is of course something else entirely), or choosing to marry someone without addressing a fundamental issue of incompatibility like "our families are trying to kill each other". But that was a digression. I am very digressive tonight. :
Anyway, back from a long weekend with my beloved. (Nice word.) Most likely it'll be over two months before I see him again. Nnngh. Long distance relationships = not fun at all. (However, the parts of the relationship that take place up close and personal = way too much fun). It gets harder to leave every time. Still six months until I won't have to leave ever again. The anime convention that he helps organize had their monthly meeting this weekend, so I tagged along and got to hang with the geeks. Three of them tried to get me to sign over my soul - er, agree to take over tasks for next year's con. And this year's is still five months away. These people are hardcore. Dan's college buddy was in town for that so he hung out part of the weekend and we watched a bunch of anime (all of Area 88, bits of Excel Saga, some of the new Ah Megami-sama, Howl's Moving Castle, and some Urusai Yatsura. The last turned out to be a mistake since the buddy had left by then, Dan had seen it too often, and it was just not quite entertaining enough. We had to go back two episodes to where we'd stopped watching at one point.)
Oh, and we did work on finishing the basement. I learned how to wire outlets and hang sheetrock and we did a whole half of the basement. We're going to turn it into a home theater so the living room can be our library. Get a video projector and some massive speakers down there and it'll be awesome. Of course, all we'll watch are movies and anime since neither of us particularly cares for American tv. (Except Lost. I like Lost. But I get that off bittorrent right now anyway).
So I have the rest of spring break to catch up on homework, assigned readings, work, and maybe my thesis. I don't know... If I had one more class worth of credits I could consider switching to the other master's degree option, but I'd need to take two more courses and I don't know if I can do that long distance. Sigh. But I'm leaving in May, I don't have a choice. I can come back to defend my thesis if I get it done... it's just so boring. I want to get married, get a real job, have money, free time, and a husband around. I want a couple years of fun and not doing school, I want to do some traveling and work on my novel, and then I want to have five kids and be a boring grown-up for a good long while. Oddly enough I think I might get what I want.
Current Mood: happy
16th February 2006
So... I'm off for a romantic weekend in Iowa. At least, at ten degrees, it's no colder than it's been here for the last couple days. :
Also of note, I've been engaged for one month and it's been an excrutiatingly long time. I have to get through another seven months of this? Maybe I can persuade him to elope. I hear Elvis runs a nice little wedding chapel in Las Vegas.
22nd January 2006
What a week
Whew. First week of My Life As Engaged Woman down. Roughly... way too many left. However many weeks until early September. Everyone who needed to know in RL, now knows. That includes my thesis advisor who took the whole "By the way, I need to finish my master's thesis this semester because I'm getting married and moving to Iowa, and so you can forget that idea we had about me going for my Ph.D, sorry, I know you only have four grad students and I looked good in your stats, being a minority [woman in CS - can't get more minority than that], but whatever" bit really well. We're hopeful of my chances. :
Almost four weeks until I see Dan again, though, which really stinks. I thought long-distance dating was bad, long-distance engagements are worse. Especially when we couple that with long-distance wedding planning. Eek! But we've got a date, a place, and a priest, so everything else will work out.
And my roommate has decided to go ahead and move now. So. Now I get to help her get out of Dodge in a reasonable fashion. She's aiming to leave in three weeks, give or take. And I have classes - well, one class is a joke, but the other class is going to be so hard. It's all good, though. A couple more months and I'm done with school for quite a while. That's going to be just weird.
And finally, why does it take a week to get my ring resized? I want it on my finger!
10th January 2006
stressed out already
So even though Dan and I aren't officially engaged until he asks me in person this weekend we're working on getting a date and place lined up. For us, mid July looks really good. My parents think that's not enough time and we should wait until late September. I don't like that and he really doesn't and I'm so torn in two already I can't stand it. :
All my life I've tried to listen to my folks, they're smart and care about me. But now I think there are other opinions that matter more. But I don't like even this much conflict between my family and my fiance. Until now there hadn't been any; they've hardly met and when they did they got along great. I just don't know what to do. And I know deep down that Dad's not entirely thrilled with me marrying a Catholic guy - the cultural differences, he sees as more important than I do.
Good grief, if there's this much stress already I'm really glad we're going to live 800 miles away from any of our families.
1st January 2006
20th December 2005
It's so nice to be home. I've been home since Thursday and I'm really starting to feel relax. I'm taking the opportunity to think about summer plans. I may get an internship back here this summer. Especially if I'm not going back to grad school next fall... well that decision will be made in the next few weeks. I can be done with my MS degree. :
It's great hanging with the sibs and parents. Dad is off until New Year's, it's nice to see more of him. They are only giving me a mildly hard time about having a boyfriend coming to meet them. Heh.
2005 has been a good year! Much better than 2004, though 04 was pretty decent. Still, the view from December is totally different from the view from January. Lots of things happened. I'm glad. I hope 06 is even better.
7th December 2005
Semester is almost over. I turn in my last assignment tomorrow; take my one final over the weekend. I leave at 3 am a week from tomorrow. I can't wait. :
This is going to be a momentous Christmas break, I tell you that. What with the whole "this could be the last whole family Christmas" vibe (in a good way), it could be interesting. And Dan's meeting my family over New Year's and I'm meeting his the week before classes start again. Talk about nerves! Though it's tempered by me looking forward to spending time with him, which is much cooler than my nerves. We had such an awesome time over Thanksgiving. Just marvelous.
Iowa can't be that bad. Right?
25th October 2005
I told my folks about D., my - well, they're calling him my "beau", actually - back a while. And tonight I finally bit the bullet and actually emailed Dad about this whole thing. I just hope he doesn't have a heart attack, he hasn't had to deal with serious threats like this before. I mean, I pretty much told Dad that I expect sooner or later to get a proposal. :
So now I wait to hear what he says. I'm not asking for permission, obviously. But I would like his blessing. And a promise not to buy a shotgun. I am at least halfway in love and I'd rather not have him run off ;-D
ACK! Thanksgiving is too far off. I hate long distance relationship angst!
Current Mood: nervous
15th October 2005
So I guess it's more or less official that I have a boyfriend. He's coming to spend Thanksgiving. I never, ever thought I'd do an online relationship, but... we were friends online, and then we met in person, and now it's more than friends. I am not precisely in love but I definitely could be. I'm excited. :
22nd August 2005
And so it begins...
First day of classes over. Dr. G, my advisor, had me change the 400 database class for a 600 software engineering course, so my workload just got bigger, but this will work better in the grand scheme. The classwork should be on the same lines as my thesis. :
Biking and mild diet isn't working on the whole 'bulges' issue, so the diet gets stricter, I'm putting the lifting routines back in, and going to ask C. to check out the campus kickboxing classes with me. They're free and twice a week.
And I had what may or may not have been a 'virtual' date this weekend; I was supposed to watch The Princess Bride with a couple internet friends, where we'd all start at the same time and use a chat room to talk back and forth, but it ended up just being me and this guy I've had a serious crush on since I got to meet him in person, in June; and after the movie we just IM'd and chatted for another couple hours, until midnight (or one, for him) and then yesterday we hung out and played virtual dominoes and more chatting for a while.
I am fairly certain I'm in love with him, actually. The little stomach-flutters when I see I've got a new email, the nervousness before I'll IM to say hi... the fact that I have felt half-full of wine for the last few days and have this more pronounced than usual tendency to sing and randomly wear this goofy grin - I think I've got it pretty bad, actually. If only Iowa weren't so far away.
Current Mood: ecstatic
19th August 2005
Summer's over. Classes start Monday. I'm signed up and, more or less, have the books. Registered for three thesis credits and on track to have my credits, at least, done this spring. Thesis may take longer. :
It's sort of quiet. My social life is starting to get back into gear. The big event is a month from now, Denver's anime con. Woo-hoo! Halfway done with my cosplay outfit.
Have spent the last couple days analyzing my emotional state. I'm wondering how long or how severe a crush has to be before it counts as love; or does it need to be requited first? Only I think he might. But it could take a while since we communicate by email and mostly talk about trivialities.
Otherwise, same old same old. I would say I need excitement but I probably don't.
24th June 2005
So my baby sister has figured out what she wants to be in life - a journalist. No criticism from me. She can be anything she wants to be. :
Miss being around all of them, of course. It's good I get to see them soon. Boys seem to mostly be growing up ok, sisters are making progress toward their dreams and degrees. Mom and Dad are, thankfully, the same as ever. Dad's gotten more the same my whole life, as I've become more like him. It's very odd.
Ah well. Can't let them down on my end! So I guess I'll try to read more of this Java Debugging API nonsense after all.
19th June 2005
It was about 95 degrees here today. Sunny. Really sunny. So I decided that it would be a good idea to bike the 2.8 miles to the movie theater. Um? :
However, "Batman Begins" was really fun. I'm so glad they don't make superhero movies like they used to! I'm not very conversant in superhero lore, but Batman and Spidey have always struck me as fun characters. Was nice to finally see a decent Batman film.
Other than that... the department backups went south last night, so I spent an hour dealing with that. Met a guy at church who added to my working hypothesis that all boys named "Seth" are rabble-rousers. And homeschooled. Never met one who wasn't. Movie theater is showing "Wrath of Khan" next Friday at midnight so I think I'll see if I can round up a geek-group to go.
17th June 2005
Let's see. :
I got a bike, and I biked to work and back. That's 7 miles total. Ouch. I love my bike.
It's Friday, which is always a good thing.
I lost almost three pounds this week.
Thanks to the evil Rabican, I have a paid account for the next couple months. Woot! To celebrate, I changed my layout to something hideous and bold. Cool! I hope it doens't look really dumb on a normal monitor.
And it's Friday. Oh, I said that before. And Dad's going to be in town next week :-D
Current Mood: happy
24th May 2005
I am so tired of my once-a-month "blue funks". I am tired of spending three days feeling worthless and pathetic, alternating befween chocolate binges and feeling like if only I had a boyfriend I wouldn't feel so pathetic. I am tired of having to tell myself "your life does not suck, your life is really great, get over it". I am tired of knowing exactly how irrational my feelings are but not being able to get rid of them. Hormones are really lousy, you know? :
1st April 2005
This week I asked Dr. G. to be my advisor and he agreed. I think it'll work well. I'll be concentrating on analyse and testing of distributed systems for my master's thesis - within a month I hope to know what I'm actually doing. It's an area that can easily lead into doctoral work. G. is a very nice guy, his wife just had their first kid, and with the departure of Dr. A., he'll be the only young, and hence still motivated, guy in the software engineering group. The other two professors are older and more set in their ways, which is why I didn't ask either of them. :
Oh, and to replace Dr. A, the school is hiring Dr. Ben-Hur. Really. I shouldn't find that amusing, but we all do. The grad students are threatening to hold chariot races around the department.
Even though it was April Fools' day, I didn't feel like doing anything more than setting some of the printers to display amusing messages. I have the power to do a lot more than that, being a systems admin. But it wasn't that kind of day. I'm not Catholic of course but I feel very much for my several devout Catholic friends. And of course, any good man's passing is to be mourned, especially if he was such a force on the world as Pope John Paul II was.
Tomorrow I'm driving about 200 miles south to Royal Gorge. Gas prices will only go up and I deserve a grand adventure. This summer I hope to go camping several times a month, but this will be my last adevnture trip until the semester's over.
Current Mood: cheerful
14th February 2005
I wonder why I lose touch with people so much? Mai, I'd love to get in touch. Caroline, if you read this, email me - the last mail I sent you bounced. I just have a knack for losing people I care about. :
Sigh. I really do hate Valentine's Day. It always makes me think about my first love and wish things had turned out differently. I wonder what he's up to these days? Even with the internet I don't have a clue... Kevan Gray, if you ever see this, let me know you're still out there....
7th January 2005
So tomorrow I'm going back. Will be sad to leave my family again. Hopefully I can come back for the traditional family Harry Potter Borders-party-fest and weekend read-aloud-athon. I'm happy about grad school. I like it and I like the people there but really they don't have as much in common with me as my family do. Oh well. :
I am going to have a housemate next spring sometime; I convinced a friend to finally make her move and head out to Colorado. That will be lovely, as will the extra money. I'm low right now, and while I should save my fellowship for emergencies, instead I'm building a new computer. I need it and it will be very cool (possibly even l337, though I'm not really leet so I wouldn't know).
And I'm doing a little writing, which is great. Wish I had more people to talk to. What happened to all my internet friendships, anyway?